it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
