She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
