I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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