spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
