I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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