Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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