In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
