sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
