sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
