my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
