I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
