Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
