The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
