Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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