Dude my mom stole all your condoms
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
