are you still at the devil's house?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Randomize
