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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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