i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
