you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0