We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.