Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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