I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already