i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
