help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
