Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize