Do you still have your period?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think i have two assholes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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