I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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