He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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