Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I supernannyed him into submission
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
