I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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