@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
