Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
