sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
