You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
