dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
