I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
