my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
