The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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