You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As shirtless as possible
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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