Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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