I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
