Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
