It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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