Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
