Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
