If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
