why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
