If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You don't make any sense
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