I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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