I love black thongs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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