she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
