omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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