Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
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cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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