This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
