i think i scared a bird with my dick
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
