what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
