now i know why i became what i already was.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
