I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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