If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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