they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
this hospital has no fireball
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
