sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She bit a glass in half.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
