i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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