another moral hangover. fuck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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