he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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